"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."
Short funny quotes by, Franklin P. Jones.

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."
Short funny quotes by, Jane Wagner.

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
Short funny quotes by, Erica Jong.

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
Short funny quotes by, Lily Tomlin.

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
Short funny quotes by, Robert A. Heinlein.

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
Short funny quotes by, David Letterman.

"If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough."
Short funny quotes by, Anonymous.

"All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."
Short funny quotes by, Anonymous.

"Constipated People Don't Give A crap."
Short funny quotes by, Anonymous.

"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."
Short funny quotes by, Les Dawson.

"You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears."
Short and funny quote by, Geri Jewell.

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
Short and funny quote by, Mitch Hedberg.

"I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife."
Short and funny quote by, Ilie Nastase.

"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

"Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"
Short and funny quote by, Will Rogers.

"Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect."
Short and funny quote by, Benny Hill.

"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

"There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't"
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

"Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner."
Short and funny quote by, Lyndon B. Johnson.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"
Short and funny quote by, John Lennon.

"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
Short and funny quote by, Jeff Foxworthy.

"Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

"A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

"Zippers are more popular in automated offices than elsewhere -- if you wear a button, someone's liable to push it."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

"A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never ceased to be amused."
Short and funny quote by, Shirley Maclaine.

"Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
Short and funny quote by, Robert Orben.

"Despite what the cartoonists make him look like, Uncle Sam is a gentleman with a very large "waste."
short and funny quote by, Ananymous.

"You can be young without money but you can't be old without it."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

"He's got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed."
Short and funny quote by, Leopold Fechtner.


Rabies? What?!

So... if someone is afraid of water... do they still call it hydrophobia???? I mean what's THAT all about....


When does it stop being partly cloudy and START being partly sunny???

Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it?

Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

Why are the little Styrofoam pieces called peanuts?

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?

Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground?

In THAT case, why would you put the baby in a tree? I mean it's obviously dangerous seeing as how the next part of the song says they come falling down cradle and all.... I mean come on... sadistic much?

How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there’s billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there’s wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered mothers from Asian countries use? Toothpicks?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Do people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?


Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?


Annoying Questions...

1. When you lose something and they ask "Where was the last place you had it?" Well if i rememberedwhere it was ummmm I wouldnt be in this situation here huh, sparky?

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I
know where my watch is dude, where is yours?
Do I point at my mouth when I ask where the cafeteria is?

2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire
room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change
the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it
too". Heck yes! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? Who has cake in their hands and just says "no, I'll put in a glass case to look at it."?

4. When people say, "It's always the last place you look". Of course
it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do
people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a movie, "Did you see that?". No,
loser, I paid $12 to come to the theatre and stare at the floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"....
Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's
new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an
improvement,then there must have been something before it....

8. When people say, "Life is short". What?? Life is the longest thing
anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus
come yet?". If the bus had already come, would I be standing here?

Well I thought it was incredibly funny so i hoped you laughed!!! Much loves


Funny sayings

  1. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after.
  2. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at the moment. --Robert Benchley
  3. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
  4. A conclusion is simply the place where you get tired of thinking.
  5. Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
  6. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  7. Early bird gets the worm, but the second worm gets to live.
  8. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.--Charlie McCarthy
  9. If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a fool.
  10. "I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them."-- E.V. Lucas
  11. The best part about procrastination is that you are never bored, because you have all kinds of things that you should be doing.
  12. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
  13. A watched clock never boils.
  14. Time is money, money is the root of all evil, and knowledge is power. Therefore, procrastination is the key to world peace.
  15. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
  16. Hard work never killed anyone, but why give it a chance?
  17. There are a million ways to lose a work day, but not even a single way to get one back.--Tom DeMarco and Timothy Lister
  18. It is an undoubted truth, that the less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in.--Earl of Chesterfield
  19. Someday is not a day of the week.
  20. The time to begin most things is ten years ago.--Mignon McLaughlin


More Star Wars.....

lol The Simpsons!

Epic Fail...... Poor Yoda....(Hey bubbles! It's yo man! lol AGH! Don't Kill me!)


Hello Mah Monkehs....

I Couldn't stop at one, nooooo there's just too many to make me laugh... so here, chew on those apples....

Vader Worked Hard for those funds!!!!! ....(I just Love how I randomly capitalize things, don'chu?)


You've been pwnd by the little green man!!!

You'll Pay with your life for attacking my.... ACORNS!!!!

(I was gonna put Nuts but for some reason that just didn't sound right....) :d


Just for you Bubbles....

Star Wars Parody

Lol!!!!! Star Wars Rap, We got the death star..... Emperor and (Vader) : Not the east side (no it's not) Not the West side (No it's not) Not the North side (No It's not!) Not the south side (No it's not!) It's the Dark side... (You are correct...)

Found this thought it was funny and since this page contains MOSTLY Star Wars parodies thought it fit the category, lol enjoy mah monkehs.... enjoy.... XD


Star Wars! Duh duh duuuuh

Hahaahahaha ok i know this reallly shouldnt be that funny...but it appeals to my extremely immature side so whateva and run with it and giggle anyways...


The Procrastinator's Creed

1.I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2.I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3.I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4.I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

5.I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6.I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

7.I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero.

8.If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

9.I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

10.I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

11.I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.

12.I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.

13.I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

14.I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two- Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.