7/26/08

shtuff

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."
Short funny quotes by, Franklin P. Jones.


"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."
Short funny quotes by, Jane Wagner.


"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
Short funny quotes by, Erica Jong.


"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
Short funny quotes by, Lily Tomlin.


"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
Short funny quotes by, Robert A. Heinlein.


"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
Short funny quotes by, David Letterman.


"If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough."
Short funny quotes by, Anonymous.


"All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."
Short funny quotes by, Anonymous.


"Constipated People Don't Give A crap."
Short funny quotes by, Anonymous.


"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."
Short funny quotes by, Les Dawson.


"You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears."
Short and funny quote by, Geri Jewell.


"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
Short and funny quote by, Mitch Hedberg.


"I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife."
Short and funny quote by, Ilie Nastase.


"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.


"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.


"Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"
Short and funny quote by, Will Rogers.


"Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect."
Short and funny quote by, Benny Hill.


"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.


"There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't"
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.


"Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.


"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner."
Short and funny quote by, Lyndon B. Johnson.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"
Short and funny quote by, John Lennon.


"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
Short and funny quote by, Jeff Foxworthy.


"Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.


"A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.


"Zippers are more popular in automated offices than elsewhere -- if you wear a button, someone's liable to push it."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.


"A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never ceased to be amused."
Short and funny quote by, Shirley Maclaine.


"Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.


"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
Short and funny quote by, Robert Orben.


"Despite what the cartoonists make him look like, Uncle Sam is a gentleman with a very large "waste."
short and funny quote by, Ananymous.


"You can be young without money but you can't be old without it."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.


"He's got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed."
Short and funny quote by, Leopold Fechtner.

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